Monday, 6 September 2010

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

The Good:
  • Had an amazing week's holiday last week in Praia da Luz in Portugal. Beautiful beach, gorgeous weather and ME symptoms much improved whilst there due to not having to do very much at all and being able to properly relax.
  • Read lots of novels while I was away and amazingly without it causing any real energy dips or suffering any brainfog. (I read The Children's Book by A.S. Byatt, Past Imperfect by Julian Fellowes, Something for the weekend by Pauline McClynn and Enigma by Robert Harris - all good - plus a few easy on the brain chick-lit books that were lying round the apartment
  • Got some knitting done (will post another time about that).

The Bad:

  • My dissertation is due in in roughly two weeks time and I am seriously behind. All the ME crap started up again pretty much as soon as I got back home and am struggling to get the work done while trying to work round lack of energy, fuzzy brain etc
  • I'm still waiting for an appointment to come through at the ME/CFS specialist clinic
  • The Happiness Project is pretty much on hold for now although it would be very helpful - more like the survival project at the mo!

The Ugly:

  • Have got severe financial problems. Money is always a worry for me and has been especially so with the worsening ME as had to turn down a lot of work over the last few months because of it. But the piggy bank is now looking decidedly empty and so once this dissertation is done, I'm going to have to start praying for some freelance work to come along otherwise I don't know how the rent and bills are going to get paid.
  • The last time I did some freelance work it caused a massive flare so am in the horrible situation of worrying that any work I do is going to make my health much worse but have no other option but to work
  • Everything keeps breaking - in the last few weeks my TV, kettle and phone have all decided to break. This might seem like a minor thing but I still haven't got a phone and lack of TV and v limited internet at home makes me feel really isolated.
  • Have been offered a place on a fully-funded Phd (yes, I know this bit should be in the good bit but there is a big catch!). Whereas everyone else will be starting in the next few weeks and therefore will recieve their funding at the same time, my offer is being postponed to Jan 1st as I've had a small extension to do my dissertation due to all the health problems. I had originally thought it would be postponed to Nov/Dec but this extra month that I need to find money for just makes it a lot more scary and of course, there's the fear that depending on how much work I have to do, I may end up making myself too ill to start the course.
  • And finally in my list of woes, I have just had some very bad news from some very dear friends of mine. I won't say what it is as it's very private to them but I've been crying all morning for them.

So, to cut a long story short, it would seem that the relaxed, happy Cheryl that came back from holiday has been driven away very quickly and replaced by a very stressed, worried and poorly Cheryl. Sigh.

Just have to keep pushing on and hope for the best. BP's mum gave me a money plant recently so fingers crossed it will work! Or if any of you know any rich benefactors - send them my way!xx